


I Wish I Was Beside You

by neveisnotoriginal



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M, Phan - Freeform, Phanfiction
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-17
Updated: 2016-01-23
Packaged: 2018-05-14 12:52:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 5,918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5744530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neveisnotoriginal/pseuds/neveisnotoriginal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Phil gets a boyfriend. Its Phan AF though.</p><p>((note: I started writing this pre-pinof6 and forgot to publish it. Think of it as a sort of AU))</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Phil Is Not On Fire 6

"Phil, we havent filmed a video together in a while." I called to him from the kitchen. I didnt hear him say anything. "Phil?" I called a little louder, whilst eating half a bacon sandwich.

"Huh?" I heard softly through the wall of our apartment.

"I said," walking to meet him in the other room, "we haven't filmed a video together in a while."

He looked confused. "But the gaming channel, We film videos on there like every week."

"I know but i mean a video of us both on my channel. Or your channel. Its october, right? Im pretty sure that means its time for another phil is not on fire. If you want, i mean. Im just getting tonnes of tweets about it." I said, knowing that he wanted me to say that. He talks in his sleep. It normally doesnt make much sense, just random mumurs coming through the walls. But last night i heard actual words... "Dan, me, video, nawh, miles ago, together, video, phillllisnotfirey," Maybe i should have told him, but he might've gotten embarrassed. Poor thing.

"Yeah that'd be great. Um.. when though? And i dont have any questions to answer. Um.. ill find some thought its okay." Phil said, failing to mask his excitement.

"Good. Ill go buy a few new sharpies. See ya." I grabbed my jacket and some shoes.

"oh." I heard phil say as i was fumbled to find keys and coins. "Dan... err.. I just bought some sharpies haha what a coincidence??" He blushed a little.

I laughed... "okay then." I said, flopping down on the couch beside him. He was sitting crossed legged in pajamas, the bottom of his laptop was burning the top of his thighs but he was too stubborn to move it. I leaned over him to see what he was doing. He quickly closed the tab. I frowned at him.

"Er. Weird things on tumblr." He explained.

"Obviously," I said "What else can you find on tumblr."

"flower crowns."

"oh yeah."

"Punk edits."

"Right okay."

"fanart."

"Im pretty sure that comes under weird things..."

"hipsters."

"you spend too much time on tumblr."

Phil stopped and a flash of confusion swept over his face. "I spend too much time on tumblr? Me?" He said, begining to laugh. "Daniel James Howell i dont think you have any right to tell anyone they spend to much time on tumblr. You spend your life on tumblr."

I punched him lightly. "No i dont," I mumbled. "If i did i would have know all those other things that you just said were on tumblr."

Phil went quiet. "Shut uuuup." He said softly. "Okay when are we filming this video?"


	2. The Theory Of The Smudged Whiskers

Phil decided that the best time to film was now, So he began setting up the camera. He was messing with the height of the tripod when i offered to help. "Nah, but thanks for offering. Wait can you sit down so i can focus the thingy."

"Camera," I said sitting on his bed. "Is here good?"

"Yeah, great. Smile!" He said. The flash went off, partially blinding me and activating phil's clumsiness because he knocked the camera onto the floor. "Oops." He said apologetically.

I laughed and tried to help stand the tripod back up. He grab the sharpies and pressed record.

We filmed about a half hour of footage, then plugged the camera into the laptop. We lay on our bellies side- by-side, selecting bits to keep and bits too bin. Phil kept laughing at random points, a gentle chuckle beside my ear. We watched the 3 minute video back and saw how much it jumped. Throughout the whole recording we were throwing things at eachother and hitting eachother in the face, but we'd cut most of those parts out incase people reported us for domestic violence or something.

"Phil im pretty sure someone will find the domestic violence thing offensive." I said.

"I know," He said. "But its not said to be funny, im saying it because im genuinely worried."

I looked at him, wondering if he was being serious. Phil didnt lie. "Silly thing." I said.

"Aaandd im only telling you and i really hope you wont be offended." He said.

"okay then but i guarentee there will be .. um 15 new fanfictions based on the amount our whiskers smudge and change." I said, picking up a wetwipe to get rid of the sharpie on my cheek.

"Really?" Phil said, "Id say at least 25." We laughed.

It was nice knowing people cared and knew us enough to write accurate fanfictions but sometimes it was a little too much.

"okay im hungry now im going to find food, you start uploading the um..thing" I said, forgetting what i had meant to say.

"The phil is not on fire video we just spent ages creating? Wow dan you really do need food. Go... and bring me something too." Phil said, his face contorting and smiling and just generally pulling silly face as he accidently opened photobooth on his mac.

I laughed softly walked out. I hurried back, complaining that there was nothing in the fridge. Phil began saying something that sounded like "what do you want me to do about it" but im not sure because whilst he was saying this, i was skidding into the living room door. When Phil had bought me those fluffy socks he had clearly not been thinking about the saftey hazards of living with laminate flooring.

"Ow" I said, sprawled across the floor with what i was sure was a broken limb. Phil said nothing. Tears were forming in his eyes. His face was a mixture of shock and hysteria.

Phil was laughing.

"Stop laughing and help me up you dick. Lets order pizza" I said.

Phil took a moment to reply. "are..you..okay?" He said in the pauses of his laughter. "What.. pizza"? He came over from his spot on the couch -- hopefully to offer me his hand -- and was laughing so hard he fell beside me.

"ahh m-mmm-m-otherfLUFFER" he said.

"Oh no! Phillip is hurt! Im going to LAUGH IN HIS FACE" I said sarcastically, rolling my eyes.

"Shut up. When you fell it was really funny. When i feel it was lame. I didnt even do a cool skid like you." He laughed a little again. We lay on the floor for a while. Too lazy or comfortable to move. Whilst there i found myself staring into these stunning icy blue eyes. I didnt even realise they were phils until he asked me what i was staring at.

"Uh-hh" I said, stuttering like something out of a fan fiction.

"Lol you loser" He said, jumping up and grabbing a pizza menu.

"I want... meat feast i think." I decided to stay on the floor, so i crawled to the phone and ordered two meat feast pizzas.


	3. Doing The TV

So we ate and we laughed and had an all round good time. "I'm going to do some err tv yeah watch tv in my room ill see you later." said phil, finishing his last pizza crust.

"ah okay 'do some tv' is that a euphemism or are you really just struggling to speak today?" i asked quizzically.

"i meant watch some tv, dan" he said.

"yeah i know i was just kidding," i replied, something felt off, "Are you watching game of thrones without me?" he sighed and left the room. I could only take that to mean that he wasn't going to but something about the way he was speaking put a bad taste in my mouth. It was odd. I put my dishes in the kitchen, returned and once again assumed the browsing position.

It was about an hour later that i heard a soft yell from phil in his room. I admit i was judging. 'Is that what doing the tv is?' i thought.

I will also admit i was listening, hearing gentle moans of 'mmhmmm' being carried through the whole apartment. I wondered if he realised how loud he was being. Yet so soft and delicate.

When i listen closely i could almost hear the groan as the bed moved under him. I continued to listen, and as i did i realised perhaps he wasn't er 'doing the tv'. He was talking to someone. Those apparent moans were just him agreeing to things; that little 'mmhmm yeah' that people do when they're listening to you.

I was almost disappointed by this development. But i couldn't tell why. It was weird. I had been judging and critising him for being loud and yet id gotten a little turned on. Weird.

"yeah i think that'll be great, i really cant wait you know." phil said. I listened with my ear pressed to the door.

"um i will but not right now, you cant just slip something like this into casual conversation."

"i know i said that but," He sighed, "i don't know its just not that easy to tell him."

There was a long pause. "Aw thank you. you're the best, yeah i know, This trip is going to be amazing"

"no, not me. Because your there." He giggled a little bit. I think he was trying to flirt. But i couldn't hear another person so it was difficult to tell.

I checked my watch and saw it was close to midnight. This was a reasonable time to go to bed, and also gave me a decent opportunity to find out what was going on.

I knocked on his door. "Phiil?" i called gently.

"um.. one second," he called to me, " I've got to go now im sorry i'll call you back" he said to his phone.

I opened the door and hovered in the doorway, ducking my head a little to protect it from the ceiling. "I was just going to head off to bed, but i thought i heard you talking, just wanted to know what was up?" I said all in a rush.

"uh yeah well.." said Phil

"I didn't realise you were on the phone though it doesn't matter, Night." I turned to leave, noting that i wasn't making sense.

"No," he stretched his arm towards me. "No, Daniel stay. I do need to tell you things too actually." I couldn't read his face. He was looking down and that bad taste was in my mouth again. Like something wasn't right.

"o-okay?" i said. "This is a little weird but do you remember that night we went out with louise like 5 or 6 months ago? When you drank on capri-suns and vodka after they ran out of your favourite cocktail?"

I chuckled, then nodded. "Okay well that night as we were leaving this guy came up to me and gave me his number bc he had some great business deal on cameras and equipment and stuff and he'd heard i was a vlogger."

"The one we got us the new tripod after we broke ours?" I said.

"Yes, yes exactly him that guy. Well we became quite good friends, He's called Richard and he suggested going travelling around Europe together."

"...right" "So I said i'd love to and that im sure you'd love to too but he wanted it to be just us.." The excitement was fading from his voice as he got to the end of the sentence.

"okay," i said "that's no big deal. When are you going?"

"Tomorrow." he wouldn't meet my eyes.

"Well shit Phil, How long for?" "

Three months, but Rich said we could extend our stay in paris if we wanted to have more time to see the sights."

I inhaled deeply. "Right. So youre leaving, tomorrow and wont be returning for at least three months, and you didn't think to tell me about this until now?"

"uhhh, i guess i just didn't know how to."

"What about the radio show!? Have you told them?" He nodded. I was annoyed. But i had no reason to be. It didn't make sense. Phil could do what he wanted.

I exhaled. "i didn't even know you wanted to travel Europe."

"Me neither." said phil with a soft laugh.

"Then why go?"

"it would be stupid to waste an opportunity, and.."

"And what?" "I , I think.. "

"spit it out phil"

"I think he likes me , god does that sound pathetic?"

"Wait, Richard?" Phil nodded at me.

"Phil has a crush on Dick Phil has a crush on Dick" I chanted.  

" _oh shut up or i'll crush your dick_ "

I bolted out of the room. And cried.


	4. Tomorrow is Today (part 1)

After a night of tears i was exhausted. I wasn't crying for any particular reason. Just overwhelmed.  
Then morning came and i got up and made phil a cup of coffee and got his favourite bowl out on the bench so he could steal my cereal. He walked into the kitchen with bed head and pjamas.

"I cant believe im going to Holland today." He said whilst pouring some shreddies into the bowl.

"I guess you could say its a bit 'cereal'" I laughed at my own pun.

"hmm?" said phil, rubbing his eyes

"cereal, surreal, you cant believe it. gosh my talents are wasted on you." I said dramatically.

I sat on the couch while phil ran me through the checklist of his suitcase. "Do you think ill need anything else?" he said chewing his lip.

"I think you'll be fine". He lay on the couch beside me and closed his eyes.

"im so tired and what if i don't get any sleep."

"Wow youre very confident about you and Dick aren't you?"

"nooo i meant the movement of the boat!!" he kicked his legs like a child throwing a tantrum.

"I know you McMuffin, itll be fine" I felt an urge to stroke the hair that fell onto his forehead. Made brave by the knowledge that this would be my last opportunity in at least three months, i did. My little raven-haired friend was going on a big adventure without me, but it was okay, because right now he was mine and i could stroke his hair and we would be okay. His breathing became more rhythmic and slowed and he sighed and then slept. He moved a little, to re-adjust his head so it was on my lap. His legs were sprawled over the end of the sofa. Though he was so lanky he looked so tiny and childlike and i just kept stroking his head.

I mustve fallen asleep also, because i awoke with a start when the doorbell rang.

Phil looked up at me and mouthed 'that'll be Richard'. I got up to get the door so phil would have a chance to get ready and slightly more awake. I pulled my hoodie sleeves over my hands.

"hello Richard."

"Dan, long time no see, infact last time i saw you you were pissed out of your mind on vodka and capri-suns."

"Indeed i had been drinking but i wasn't 'pissed out of my mind'. But please, Dick, Come in." I had to turn away so he couldn't see me roll my eyes. This guy, was a dick, in every sense of the word.

"Yes i will thankyou. Is Phil here?"

"He's just in the living room."

"isn't he ready, he said he'd be ready by now we were going to get coffee before we left for the ferry." Dick sounded impatient.

"I can make coffee, If you'd like?" i offered half heartedly.

"No, Its fine, it wont quite be 'barista' quality will it."

'dick' i muttered under my breath.

 

"Dan, I'll have a coffee please." Phil shouted from the other room.

"Coming right up." i pointed Dick in the right direction and started making coffee.

Minutes later, phil had joined me in the kitchen.

"I wanted to say a proper goodbye to you without him watching." And then he hugged me.

"i'll really miss you." i said.

"i think i'll miss you more."

We stood in silence after that. He smelled like his shower gel and his shampoo and the scent of phil had gotten lost under his efforts to impress Rich.

'He must really like him,' I thought.

Which is why I was completely taken by surprise when he kissed me.


	5. Tomorrow is Today (part 2)

He Kissed Me.

Philip Michael Lester, My room-mate and best friend kissed me.

And i kissed him back. It was a sad kiss, filled with regret and passion and longing and knowing it couldn't be. He held my face in his hands and he was so soft and warm and everything I'd ever thought he was going to be. And it was everything and more.

But Richard was here. And it was just an overflow of emotions. It didn't mean anything. It couldn't.

If it meant anything he wouldn't be leaving and we were just friends it was totally platonic we were just going to miss each other that was all.

When it was over, we were both breathless. I hugged him tighter and buried my face into the top of his hair, Squeezing my eyes shut to stop tears spilling out. Behind my eyelids all I could see was his bright blue eyes, peeking out from under his long dark eyelashes. And when I opened my eyes again I saw the same thing. I didn't want him to leave me. For Europe or Forever. He kissed me quickly on the cheek and went back to Richard.

I finished the coffee with shaking hands. I was breathless and moved and confused.

So confused. I didn't like Phil.

Or i hadn't thought about it before. I guess i hadn't needed to because Phil was always there, we lived together, of course he was. So it didn't matter if i liked him or not because he was right there and nothing was going to change that. And if he ever left he was gone for a week, to see his family, and i saw mine.

I slapped my cheeks a few times in an attempt to pull myself together, now was not the time for this. I carried the coffee through to phil slowly, taking care not to spill; the coffee or my thoughts. He and Richard were giggling about something when i saw them.

But phil's face softened when he saw me. Or i thought it did.

I didn't speak much. just listened politely to all the things they were planning to do, the people they were going to meet. Wine tasting and Tours of castles, that sort of thing, The opposite of what i knew to be phil's interests.

Richard was acting like he was so high and mighty because it wasn't his first time in Europe, because he had a few contacts in Rome, because he was wearing a clean crisp white shirt and tie and trousers that weren't skinny jeans.

He looked out of place in our cosy flat. As did phil.

I hadn't noticed hat he had also traded his traditional flannel shirt and black jeans for an almost suit type outfit. He looked good, But he didn't look like Phil. Dick was being annoying enough as it was, and then he said something that cut too deep.

"I can't believe you dropped out of university to work on your YouTube channel, i mean it's hardly a long term thing, just a fad for a few years. Perhaps you should get a real job."

I was speechless and hurt. How could he say that? How did he know that? I felt shamed and upset that he'd insulted something i loved.

And oddly betrayed by phil, that he'd allowed Dick to say such a thing. My face felt hot, flushed with anger.

"I need to go and get milk for my coffee, we just ran out. I'll be back later. If you've gone by then could you make sure the door is locked." I turned away to leave.

"Daaa-n!" Yelled Phil, "you cant just go, i haven't even gotten to say --"

"But it's okay for you to 'just go' isn't it phil? You're leaving too, aren't you?"

"Please Dan, don't be like this, don't do this.." I stared at him coldly, and left.

He was calling after me to come back and to say good-bye properly, But i was too stubborn and stupid and _hurt_ to listen. Richard had said nothing the whole time, and a strong part of me wondered if this had been his plan all along.


	6. Stranger Danger

When i returned, Phil was gone. There was a note on the kitchen bench, scrawled in his hand writing.  
'We waited for you to come back for as long as we could, Call me when you read this please, I'll be back soon. -Phil'  
I checked my phone and i had 5 missed calls and a dozen texts from him too. I ignored all of them.  
I didn't feel alone. Not yet. It was just as though he had gone to the shop or been visiting a neighbour. I opened tumblr and a bottle of wine. Phil was going to be enjoying his night, I might as well enjoy mine.

I put the TV on in the background. I wasn't really listening, It just filled the silence and passed the time. My phone was ringing again, but i wasn't going to answer. 10 minutes later I got a notification for Phils twitter account.  
'Sorry guys, No liveshow tonight. Taking a spontaneous trip to Europe with my favourite.' and a few monkeys with their eyes covered emojis. He was very open. But i bet he hadn't told Richard that we'd kissed. He was basically telling the Phandom he had a boyfriend.  
I wasn't jealous. I told myself i wasn't jealous. Phil could go out with anyone, just because we lived together didn't mean I had some sort of claim on him. I told myself this a lot. I wasn't very good at listening.  
I turned the volume of the TV up so i didn't have to think.

The phone rang again. It wasn't Phil, but i didn't answer anyway. I didn't feel like talking. The 3/4 of a bottle of wine that id just drank was beginning to take effect and somehow i knew i'd say something i'd regret.  
I turned the volume up again, so i didn't have to think i was ignoring someone important.

I couldn't stop thinking about that kiss. He kissed me. Did he mean to? I wanted to talk to him but I didn't at the same time. What if he didn't mean it? Or worse, What if he did? What would i do? Why had he let Richard insult my career? His career too? I didn't understand. And i didn't understand what i didn't understand. I didn't want to think.  
The volume of the TV was at 75, and i was sure the neighbours would be able to hear it. I felt a little bad, but I didn't care enough to do anything about it. In fact, I made it louder to tune out the guilt.

It was 11.00 pm and I had gotten through 3 bottles of wine and the music on the TV was creating my own personal party. It was great. I rapped along with Nicki Minaj and Jessie J and Arianna Grande, so sure that i was hitting all the right notes. Evidently, i wasn't. Seconds later there was a knock on the door that i didn't hear. It didn't matter though, because apparently i hadn't closed the door when i came in before.  
"hello?!" a voice half shouted.  
"hellooooo!!" i said, still dancing.  
"Could You turn it down a little? Uhh.. Please?"  
I pouted, "Youre no fun." but i obliged as there was a stranger in my house and even drunk dan realised this was a potentially dangerous situation. "Who are you?" i said, sitting down into my sofa crease and offering the young man a seat beside me. And he was a young man. Around my age, i guessed, with fluffy blond hair and a blue hoodie and grey jeans. He was tall. I was surprised by how tall he was, taller than me. But well built and strong, not lanky like me. He had green eyes straight from a fanfiction. They sparkled like emeralds. Or maybe my vision was blurry from the alcohol.  
"I'm Oliver," he said, extending his arm to shake my hand. He had a strong grip. "I moved in upstairs a couple of weeks ago, I've been too busy to introduce myself before now and I just came by to err... Are you okay? Have you had all of those wine bottles?"  
I giggled. "Yeah aha, im not as think as you drunk i am though."  
"Right.." He said, "IN my experience people to drink that much alone unless theres and issue though, Are you sure youre okay?"  
I thought, fuck it., this guy didn't really care anyway and maybe talking to him would help because id realise none of it mattered. "My sort of boyfriend ran off with his sort of boyfriend, But not before he'd both kissed me so beautifully and insulted my career and how badly i failed at University." My phone rang, Phil again. "That's him now." I tossed my phone aside.  
"Oh so you're-- " He cleared his throat, "You're gay?"  
I half nodded.  
"Well, um Okay then." He was about to say something else, but i started singing again. Admittedly i think i had made him feel a little awkward, but i was past the point of caring.  
"I think you should talk to him, But in the morning, first go to bed because you are very drunk." He said.  
"Nah, Oliver, Olly, My man, Im SwEEeeeeT." He wasn't impressed.  
"Go to sleep," He said, crossing his arms, "Or i will make you."  
I was giggling again. "Oooooh Make me." He scooped me up with ease and carried me to my bedroom. I couldn't help poke his biceps, "You're so strong." i said at least 5 times.  
He dropped me lightly on the bed, said goodnight, and left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was thinking about writing partly in Phils perspective also. Would anyone want to read that?? Feedback is appreciated.   
> Also thanks for reading this, especially if you're enjoying it.  
>  If you read it and you didn't enjoy it 1) Im sorry, 2) Go read something you do enjoy life is too short to waste ur time go have fun lil friend.


	7. The Morning After

I woke up to beautiful streaming sunlight and the worst, most throbbing headache i'd ever encountered. Admittedly it was my own fault, But I still blamed Phil. And still kept telling myself I didn't care about phil. Not as anything more than a friend. My very Best Friend. Who I'd Kissed.

I put it out of my mind and decided to try the old 'hair of the dog' cure for my hangover, When there was a knock at the door. But it didn't sound so distant as the front door. It was louder than that. Pounding. Just like my head. I groaned.  
"Dan?" said a gruff voice from behind the door. He knocked again. I did not know this voice. I couldn't just let a stranger into my bedroom. For one thing, I was naked. Sleeping fully clothed or in pyjamas had never made sense to me. I much preferred to be cool and free.  
But there was still a strange man in my apartment.  
"Dan, if you wont let me in I'll just walk in anyway."  
I did not know this voice. But clearly he knew me. I was tall. I could probably over power them if they got violent. But they sounded strong. Did I know this voice?  
He came in uninvited. I couldn't place his name but his face was familiar. Did I know him? I also realised I couldn't overpower this guy. He was huge. And macho. I would've been impressed if it wasn't such a strange situation.  
"Dan?"  
I realised I had said nothing. I cleared my throat, which seemed an oddly masculine thing to do when feeling vunerable and naked in bed with a strange and stupidly tall man leaning over. I was rather intimidated.  
"yes?" I said looking up to him, blinking sleepily.  
"hmm," He said "You don't remember do you? I didn't think you would. You were very drunk when we met. Im Oliver, Your neighbour. I slept on your sofa last night to make sure you wouldn't drink anymore and because I wanted you to err..."  
"You wanted?.." I prompted.  
He coughed sharply.  
"I wanted you to, No I just wanted to make sure that you were okay and that you knew who I was because im your neighbour and stuff."  
I was struggling to understand what was going on. Because as he said, I could recollect nothing. Nothing after opening the first bottle of wine.   
"Well, as you are okay now, i'll go home. I really think you should talk to Phil. Sort things out, ya know?"  
He left again. I went back to sleep. 

Phil called me again, this time leaving a voicemail. I woke up upon hearing his voice. 'Hi, Dan. I'm in Amsterdam! Its really pretty, and we're going to Anne Franks House later so that should be cool. Please call me back, We still need to talk."  
I thought Oliver might be right. If I spoke to Phil I'd be able to sort out how I felt and how he felt and if everything was okay. But there was still a dull ache from the insults and how Richard was his 'fave' and how he just walked out after we kissed like it hadn't even mattered. I shook for hours afterwards and he continued as if the earth hadn't moved beneath our feet. I could not get that kiss out of my mind. I couldn't get Phil out of my mind.   
As I dialled his number, I realised maybe I didn't want Phil out of my mind.   
He picked up straight away.   
"Dan!"   
"Hello." I said, flatly.   
"How are you? I'm so glad you finally called I was about to call the neighbours to make sure you were okay. Are you okay?"  
"Yeah I'm good, How was Anne Franks?"  
"Richard didn't want to go because he's already seen it, so I guess I don't get a 'Fault in our stars' scene aha, oh well." He sounded disappointed under the cheery tone he was trying to keep up. I knew it was a mask. I hoped it was. A horrible part of me didn't want him to have fun without me.  
"Oh. That's a shame."  
"yeah, Anyway I needed to talk to you about how I left things..."  
"Okay." I said. "Talk."  
"I.." He stuttered.  
I knew I was being difficult, but I thought he would've had a plan or something he knew he was going to say. It was unlike Phil to be so disorganised.  
"I guess I should apologise, Rich said some pretty mean things so i'm sorry about that."  
"That's okay." His apology softened me a little. "Im sorry for storming out like that."   
"Its okay. I understand."   
We talked about the weather and some other mundane things. How he missed early morning anime and how his twitter feed was exploding with accusations of PHAN when he posted that tweet.  
"That was probably a mistake." I said.   
"I agree," He replied. "You're my fave anyway Dan."  
My heart skipped a little.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not impressed with this chapter so its okay if you're not either. Its more of a filler so I can move the story along. I apologise profusely for this.


	8. From Phil's Persective (Part 1)

The moment Dan left our apartment, I knew he was making a mistake. The childish storm out would cause a rift between us that nothing would repair. I couldn't just let him walk out. And yet I did.

The moment I left our apartment, I knew I was making a mistake. Leaving Dan on his own for more than a week would shatter him. He should've said something so I could've explained it to Rich in a better way. He should've spoken to me. And yet he didn't.

We (rich and I) walked down to the taxi rank not too far away. Rich refused to call an Uber so my legs were tired before we had even gotten half way there. Apparently they were dangerous and you couldn't trust them. Obviously a regular taxi driver was much safer.

He bought me a coffee, one that met his 'barista' standards.

I still preferred the one Dan had made me.  
I hadn't gotten to finish drinking it because rich wanted to leave so we wouldn't miss the train.  
I hoped Dan wouldn't mind me leaving dishes in the sink for him to do. He hated dishes. "we have a dishwasher phil, why don't we use it?" He would say. The we clearly implying 'you'.  
"I don't know, its easier putting things in the sink." I'd reply.  
I hoped Dan wouldn't mind the post it notes i'd left around. Hidden in cupboards and draws and beside his pillow and under his crease in the sofa.  
I hoped Dan would find the notes.

In my head, all I could think, was Dan. Dan. How is he? How is he coping? He doesn't like to be alone. The supernatural can get him when he's alone. Why did I leave him alone?  
I was so wrapped up in Dan mentally, that I forgot who I was with physically. I was with rich. And I wanted to be with Rich. He was holding my had as we walked, while we sat on the train, while we ate, when we got on our ferry. Holding hands with a lover was supposed to be a romantic affair. I felt like he was treating me like a child needing supervision.

I stared out towards the sea. We were sitting by a big window in a bar on the ferry. It was cool but not cold. We could see people on deck being blown around by the big blustery gusts of wind. There was young couple, obviously in love. He was motioning for her to pose while he took a photo. She looked embarrassed but she was grinning like a fool. I had seen that grin. He was showing her the photo and she didn't look impressed, but he looked in awe of her.  
I wanted to go take photos in the wind, by the sea, hair flying, laughing. Care-free selfies and giggling moments and utter happiness. That was what I wanted. That was what I decided to go on this trip for. I didn't want it without Dan.  
I called him. He didn't pick up. It was a blessing really, because I had no idea what to say.  
Some how ' I just saw a cute couple taking pictures of eachother and it as really cute I hope we can do that one day I miss you.' would be a very good idea. Confusing, to say the least.  
Rich was complaining. "I brought you out so we could become more cultured and become closer as people, and you are still worries about your flatmate. Its only been a couple of hours, he might not have even noticed you're gone." He acted as if Dan was so bad. I didn't even know why. It upset me, but I did realise that it had been Rich to book the trip, I should've probably been acting a little more grateful.  
I liked Rich, but perhaps my feelings for Dan had been reflected onto Rich because Dan didn't seem to reciprocate my feelings. Rich, on the other hand, did. Often I would find him writing poetry for me in his texts and emails. Serenading me through the telephone. Constant hand-holding and compliments and everything that couples do. But in the cheesy, cringey, uncomfortable way. It was all I had. 

And if I closed my eyes I could pretend it was Dan.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoy it.


End file.
